Monday, April 23, 2012
Sunday, April 22, 2012
Enjoy the time you have left. Seriously this might end up being a little whiny, just a warning. I'm sooooooo ready to go home. I've been gone since June. I've been alone since October. Everything has gone wrong and yet everything is exactly as it's supposed to be. I have 6 and half weeks left and then I'm going HOME. I'm not going to make any declarations like I'll never do this again, cause you NEVER know, but I don't like living alone. It's boring. It's lonely. I've come to realize I'm a total homebody. I can only go out so much, it gets old quick.
I've started drinking here and I've realized some things about myself. I'm not an alcoholic but I have alcoholic tendencies. I'm drinking because I'm bored. I only want to drink to get drunk. One drink is a waste of calories. Sidra is the Asturian "nectar of the gods." Three bottles of sidra is happy, four bottles is sloppy. I'm a happy drunk. I just like to laugh and hug everyone. I don't like to get sick.
There was a period like after high school, early college where I was definitely a drinker and then it just kinda stopped at some point. The whole time I was with M, I almost never drank, probably cause he never drank. We'd go to family parties where all the men would be drinking and someone would hand him a drink and he'd just carry it around. All of a sudden, he gets to El Salvador and he starts going out and getting drunk. The first time he came home drunk I was livid. He had left earlier that day to go play soccer and I was home, at his family's house, cause I didn't venture out much by myself. His sister asked me if I was going to eat dinner and I said I was going to wait for him to eat. She gave me a derisive smile and told me he probably wouldn't be home for quite some time. I didn't know where he was but he finally stumbled home at 2am wasted. I had NEVER seen him like this. He would NEVER drink with me when we were in the US. To top it all off, he was a HAPPY drunk. He was so happy he couldn't understand why I was so upset. I have a really hard time staying mad at people. Especially ones that are giggling uncontrollably. But this night was definitely a turning point. I was pissed cause he left me alone for so long, pissed cause he went and got drunk, and super pissed cause I realized I'm pissed and have NOWHERE to go. There is no stomping off, going to another room, going to my mom's house, going to a friend's house, or just going anywhere else. I'm isolated in the campo of El Salvador and have no friends, nowhere to go, and no way to get there if I want to leave. There aren't exactly buses running 24 hours a day here. I don't know anyone with a car. I don't KNOW ANYONE. Independence was out the window.
So I don't know what made him start drinking in El Salvador but I've heard he's been drinking a lot more since I've been gone which I can relate to I guess since I've been drinking so much too and I chalk it up to being bored and not having anything else to focus on. It's probably worse for him since he doesn't have a job there. I have my job to get me through the week and I have a couple of friends I sometimes see on the weekends. We go drinking of course.
So June marks one year since we left. Our waiver was turned in December 27 and I guess right now we just wait. I don't even know if there's something we're supposed to be doing or if we just sit back and wait for them to contact us. If it takes a year from when we turned in the waiver then we're a third of the way through. Hopefully it takes less time!!!!!
I've been really bad about updating lately, probably cause I've been so out of it but I'm going to try to be better!!